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You can control the stress level in your divorce

If you are heading toward divorce, your life is probably already full of emotion. You are dealing with major changes, including tightening your budget, determining custody arrangements and perhaps packing to move. The last thing you need is to add more stress. In fact, you may be looking for steps you can take to minimize the negativity and frustration as you go through this difficult process.

Fortunately, not every California divorce is a battle, and your decisions and behavior before and during the process can make a difference in the amount of tension you feel. While it is important to keep the breakup as civil as possible if you have children, even a couple with no kids has the right to a smooth divorce, which can mean a more peaceful beginning to a new life.

How can you make it better?

While it may seem like an obvious question, in the heat of a difficult time, you may not have taken the time to examine whether divorce is really the best option for your marriage. Is there a chance you and your spouse could reconcile? Are there steps toward healing you have not explored? It is easy to get caught up in the emotions of friends and family members who thrive on drama. However, divorce is too painful and often expensive an experience to endure if splitting up is a mistake.

Once you are certain divorce is in your best interests, you can do the following to maintain a positive and forward-thinking attitude:

  • Set aside plans for vengeance, and behave with respect toward your spouse, despite any feelings of bitterness or betrayal you may be feeling.
  • If you have children, see your actions through their eyes and work to eliminate any additional anxiety for them.
  • Even if you can't agree with your spouse on every issue in the divorce, you may find that things go better if you can agree on one common goal, such as the welfare of the children or the resolve to obtain a property division that is as equitable as possible.
  • Explore alternatives to litigated divorce, such as mediation or collaboration.

Alternative forms of dispute resolution often result in a more positive outcome for both spouses since the two work out their settlement together instead of leaving it to the court. If you and your spouse can agree that a less confrontational divorce is something you would both prefer, you would be wise to seek information about the appropriate options to protect your rights and meet your expectations.

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Each time I met with Dianne she was concerned for my well being, and was sincerely empathetic about my situation. She made a horrible chapter in my life bearable.

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Dianne Drew Butler & Associates, Inc.
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Stockton, CA 95219

Phone: 209-390-8829
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